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19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn’t Make Today’s Cut

written by Jesse Rees

They say time heals all wounds, which is obviously apparent when you take a gander at some of these doozies from the past. Before anybody knew what a lawsuit was, these types of custom print advertisements were a part of many major company marketing platforms. Just be sure you don’t add them to your next brochure printing order.

Van Heusen

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Can I also get you a foot-rub honey? Or maybe you would like me to pay off your credit cards, sports car and golfing membership for the next 20 years … Oh, please can I?

Marlboro

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Nothing like some words of encouragement…from a 2-year-old.

Group Showers by Bradley Corporation

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

This one is wrong on so many levels.

The Rifleman

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

You can’t buy this type of pride for 15 cents anymore.

Kellogg’s Pep Vitamins

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

If vitamins did this, we’d all be walking around with Brad Pitts and Megan Foxes under our arm. Or at least feel incredibly duped.

Linda Darnell, Camel Cigarettes

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

30 days? Try 30 years Linda and come back to tell people about your tracheotomy.

Dental Poster Viceroy

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

It wasn’t enough that movie actors and children had to get in on the fun of filtered cigarettes. Even the most trusted professionals on the planet had no freaking clue.

Pure Ivory

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Ah, stereotypes. I wonder why other flavors of custard weren’t considered.

Del Monte Ketchup

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

What exactly were they going for with this expression anyway?

Van Heusen

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

…but obviously not the guy who forgot to bring his Cary Grant costume.

Tool Set

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Because “perfect happiness” is exactly what I see happening here.

Chinese Cherry

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Why wouldn’t the words “sour” or “lip-smacking” suffice in this situation?

Daisy Manufacturing Co.

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

And then, we’ll go eat sugarplums. Later on, we’ll eat our Christmas ham. And after that, me and Charlie will go start the NRA!

This Christmas Give Cartons of Luckies by Yesmoke

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Whoa, slow down Mr. Suave. You only have 1,872 of those left.

Pears Soap

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Maybe if you washed yourself with Pears Soap, that earthquake wouldn’t have passed and you would’ve avoided the completely demoralized state you are currently in. Sweetiepie.

Lane Bryant

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Lane Bryant taught us that when you support the ultimate self-esteem killer, it can still be positive and uplifting.

Lysol Disinfectant

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Feeling doubtful about your career or relationships? Are your inhibitions preventing you from having fun? Do you think ignorance is blocking you from seeing your husband? Just scrub Lysol on the affected areas and watch it all wash away.

Community Silverplate

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Honey, my lips are down here.

Truth Dollars

19 Vintage Advertisements That Wouldn't Make Today's Cut

Simple! Pump all your hard-earned dollars into an invisible cause aimed at fighting one of history’s biggest ideologies!

Authored by

Jesse Rees is a web writer and SEO Expert at SimplePrint.com, which is an Online Printer that specializes in Online Printing. I am an avid online learner of web related information including Web Design, Graphic Design, and SEO. I attended the University of St. Thomas, where I majored in Finance but the internet is my new home and writing is a passion of mine. Follow me on Twitter: Jesse Rees

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3 Comments
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  • ptamaro says:

    August 9, 2011

    ROTFL! You made my day, thanks :D

  • Blog Wordpress Themes says:

    August 10, 2011

    Great share! I wonder if they banned the advertisement from Marlboro. Looking at these, I love How elegant women look in the past years

  • Dzinepress says:

    August 15, 2011

    creativity there even all ads belong to history.